Piddinghoe

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APPLE SAUCE: The other day, we collected apples from my friend Pauline’s orchard and packed them into boxes to feed to the pigs. Whilst doing so, something soft tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to find one of our boars who should not have been there. He had picked up the smell of the apples and made his way up the path. Much rattling of feed buckets and a trail of apples later, he was back in his field. Had we have left, there would have been no more apples but a very sleepy, perhaps inebriated and contented pig.

ENGLISH LANGUAGE: I don’t know if anyone else gets annoyed, as I do, by people who are ignorant of their own language. Teachers no longer seem to teach the basics. I keep cringing when I hear people saying ‘haitch’ for ‘h’. We were taught that the only ‘h’ was at the end and that it was spelt ‘aitch’. Even people on the BBC make this mistake. The most aggravating was when dealing with my bank card from HSBC. The operative on the other end kept correcting me with Haitch SBC every time I said Aitch SBC.

TOMATOES AND POTATOES: I was interested, on Friday, to learn that Monty Don had had trouble with tomatoes this year. I planted two dozen plants and gained one tomato. Was it caused by our peculiar summer weather this year? The potato harvest is a different story. Every time I went to look at how they were getting on, many had been dug up by our not so friendly rabbits. Out of thirty planted, only six have managed to resist the tugs of Super Rabbit and yield anything at all. No point in putting up a ‘Keep off’ sign. Rabbits, as far as I know, can’t read.

SMILE OF THE DAY: How do astronauts stop their trousers from falling down? They use an asteroid belt.

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