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TV FOOD PROGRAMMES: Watching these on a regular basis, I do wish that some of the chefs concerned, or their programme producers would listen to them and do a severe pruning. A programme, Royal Recipes, with Michael Buerk about recipes cooked for various members of the Royal Family, past and present, had a chef on called Paul Ainsworth. He obviously only knows one adjective to describe the ingredients and methods. To my amazement he used the word Lovely 18 times. Since then I have made note of all different chef’s usage of lovely. Many overuse the word lovely (lovely potatoes, lovely gravy, lovely custard etc) but Ainsworth has the largest count. On Mary Berry programmes and on The Hairy Bikers, I have only heard the dreaded Lovely used once. Congratulations to them. One chef got so carried away with the word that she referred, not only to her ingredients but also to the ‘lovely spoon’ and the ‘lovely dish’. How absurd can you get?

WEATHER: I cannot remember another year when November suddenly settled itself in March. Dense fogs do not usually appear in March as the winds are mainly too strong to allow any mist or fog settle. As a counterbalance to this, Spring suddenly sprang in a flurry of yellow. Daffodils and Forsythia appeared seemingly overnight and how welcome and cheering they are after a miserable winter. If only the temperature would rise.

CARS: Modern cars are wonderful but their computerisation gives them a mind of their own. The 1980’s series Knight Rider no longer seems so far-fetched. My Mini talks to me all the time, telling me to fasten my seat belts, tells me the outside temperature and a myriad of other things. However, it does get some things wrong. It does not seem to be so clever where tyres are concerned. I keep being told either that I have a flat tyre, which I don’t, or that my tyre pressures are low which, after meticulous checking, is just not so. It all seems to stem from some months ago when I had a puncture and had a new tyre fitted. The computer does not seem to be able to sort itself out since then. Back to the dealers when I can find the time.

SMILE FOR THE DAY: A High Court Judge, in intense pain, goes to the dentist. Dentist: Anything you want to ask me before I begin? Judge: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth? Dentist: I do.

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