I find it hard to believe D W McBeths ranting warranted 1/3 page.
This is six and a half months late for an April Fool story.
A field guarded by cattle!(were they armed?). A picture of cow dung adjacent to bench(what an outrage!). Who is responsible? A little detective work tells me Daisy or Buttercup likely miscreant. (Cows are fairly hard to house train) Where does he/she expect Cows to Poo.
I suggest you stay at home if you find cow dung in the countryside so obnoxious.