“I didn’t want an unproductive lockdown. I also learnt to play the guitar. It’s a book about my struggle to love and commit. I wrote it because I want to move past some of the negative patterns I’ve been stuck in for so many years. I want to open more. Trust more. Experience love. Stop pushing people away.
“The book is deeply personal and searingly honest; it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.
“I’m glad I’ve finally completed something. Even if it is an account of my shortcomings. I do hope it brings a smile, insight, solace, but no pity. The publishing of the book has been painful in some ways; costly to some relationships with people close to me. But I trust much more good will come out of it than bad.
“Also, I wonder if as a society we are we in the grip of narcissism, over-analysis, pain not dealt with, isolation, failed relationships, and so on. What is it to find purpose and settle down in the modern world with so many mixed messages about beauty and love, and so many options and distractions? I want readers to take away the fact modern man is complex, but so too is modern life; they’re not alone, and there are ways to conquer your demons.
“I truly it hope it touches and helps someone else out there struggling to trust. People that don’t realise that love, ultimately, is a choice. I’m still learning it. I wrote it to exorcise some demons and close a chapter in my life, to bring some solace to others struggling with similar issues, to hear what the readers might have to say.
“And, since it is about avoidant behaviour, I expect I wrote it, in part, to avoid the relationship I was in at the time. Fate loves irony.
“I am a first-time author. I wrote a book seven years ago – another memoir-come-travel writing piece – my adventures in Latin America and surviving a year in a Calgary (a sterile, soulless, odd place in Canada). I tried to get it published, failed, and I stopped writing for six to seven years after that. It was time to pick up the pen again.
“In November, the start of the last lockdown, it was cold, dark, unsettling time. I needed a focus. I was desperate to be creative. And I met a girl two days before the lockdown started. And it challenged me. It was a rollercoaster of emotion, of opening and closing, and I needed a way to cope, a way to help myself understand and ultimately try and free myself from some negative repeating patterns in my life. I wanted the relationship to stand a chance. But it was paradoxical: the writing was both a way to escape the moment with my girlfriend, and a way to heal the past so I could living more in the present.”
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