The Business Coach with Laura Murphy: “I get dumped on”

Answer: “Ok it’s time to get out of your victim mentality for that’s what’s stopping you asserting yourself. I’m sure you’ve heard that before so why haven’t you done anything about it?

The reality is that when you’re wrapped up in a mess of being dumped on and feeling resentful about others it takes quite a strong will to get yourself out of it. And the energy you need to have that strong will is being sucked up by the negativity you’re generating. The key is to pretend that you’re not who you are.

It sounds ridiculous but if you step back and observe yourself, what you say, how you react then you can begin to disassociate yourself from the emotion of it all. You will start thinking rationally about why this is happening and what’s stopping you from saying something. When you’ve worked that out, you can do something about it.

Then deal with your resentment. Rather than not working as hard, your colleagues probably work differently to you. By accepting that people have different styles you can begin to analyse whether they do have slack and if so, whether you can legitimately ask that the work be passed to them.

Then plan your strategy for when it happens again. Accept with a polite comment signalling that this is the last time perhaps. Or decline with a suggestion that they come back when you have time, or pass it on to someone else. It might be be scary but you’ll be excited about the successful change you’ve made.”

Laura is an organisation development specialist and executive coach with mtc2 ltd. To solve your problem email [email protected] Tweet @WayfinderWoman Names and details have been changed to protect confidentiality.