Caffeine-free coffee

Decaffeinated coffee may well be sacrilegious and frankly embarrassing to order, but don't let that stop you.

First created in 1903, its production has changed vastly over the years and its consumption has become more widespread. Perhaps it became a more attractive proposition when the processing method no longer required carcinogenic chemicals.

From triglycerides, carbon dioxide, and ethyl acetate, to steam, hot water and wishful thinking - there are as many varieties of the decaffeination process as there are pregnant women ordering it.

Given the complexity of the flavour profile of coffee, it is understandably difficult to remove the caffeine without destroying the taste and aroma. By "difficult", we mean almost impossible. It's a great palate cleanser, as once swallowed, there is no discernable flavour left behind.

The authorities who police your caffeine intake (yeah, they exist) state that 99.9% of the caffeine must be removed in order for us to have the right to call it decaf. This percentage of efficiency is the same as that of contraception. In fact, they serve the same purpose - order a decaf on your first date and you'll see.