A lady, still single, from Polegate...

CHRIS Melhuish of Polegate has responded with enthusiasm to Rouser’s request for contemporary Sussex limericks.

He says: ‘I couldn’t help but put pen to paper to come up with some suitably terrible ones for your collection.’

Thanks Chris! Can anyone do better than the following?

A lady, still single, from Polegate

Was desperately seeking a soulmate,

But her lonely hearts’ ad

Brought replies from her Dad

And they sat there, red-faced, through the whole date

A poacher whilst out on the Uck,

Decided to shoot down a duck,

But a helpful gamekeeper

Said that Tesco’s was cheaper

Than paying a fine for poached tuck

‘Or more controversially perhaps’:

There once was a Council dictator

Who put up an incinerator

But the burning of waste,

Not to everyone’s taste,

Generated much heat with beraters

‘And finally, still on the Newhaven theme, but probably the most excrutiatingly painful of all’:

A progressive young man from Newhaven

Said he wanted to be Sarah Raven,

So he wore what she wore,

But he could have done more,

As his legs and his chin stayed unshaven.

‘Boom boom. Kind regards, and thank you for the Rouser page, it’s always interesting.’