Agony aunt column: Ask Lucy

This is the latest column from Lucy Saunders, who provides a regular agony aunt feature - Ask Lucy.

Lucy Saunders SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001
Lucy Saunders SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001

Dear Lucy: I have been with my partner for 15 years and we have two children aged eight and ten. Recently we have been away on holiday and I have felt like it would be a great time to discuss us getting married. My partner seemed very cool about the topic and soon after he said our relationship wasn’t working and he has ended the relationship and left home. I feel so upset and confused and blame myself for stupidly discussing us getting married.

Ask Lucy: I am so sorry for your loss and it must have been a real shock his suddenly leaving and deciding to end your relationship. The most important thing is you must definitely not blame yourself for him leaving. It seems he was waiting for an excuse to end your relationship and he used the marriage topic to end it. I feel at the moment you must be dealing with your anger and hurt but eventually you will get your new life together. You must feel confident that you will wake up one morning and feel you are ready to embrace the day and hopefully meet a new man who will want the same thing as you.

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Dear Lucy: I am 19 and have a girlfriend however things have been getting very confusing for me recently. I have had feelings for this other guy my age and recently I am aware my feelings are getting stronger. At first I thought I might be bi but as the days go by I am aware that I think I am definitely gay. The issue is that the guy I like is my girlfriend’s brother. It is all very confusing can you help?

Ask Lucy: It sounds like you should be pleased that you are eventually finding out your true self and how great it is that you are discovering your sexuality. However if you feel you might be gay then I feel you must tell your girlfriend as soon as possible as you don’t want to string her along. As I am not sure if your girlfriend’s brother has feelings for you at this stage you should definitely not tell your girlfriend about him. This would add to her hurt and could cause problems between her and her brother. As you move on from this relationship into your newfound sexuality don’t rush into divulging something you may regret. Let your girlfriend move on a bit and if something eventually does happen between you and this guy then I’m sure she will understand.

Lucy is a BACP Accredited Qualified Counsellor. She previously worked in the media as an actress.