Billingshurst woman gives advice on how to talk about ‘kicking the bucket’

I want to talk to my family about my end of life arrangements, but am not sure how to bring it up. Can you give me any tips?
Watch more of our videos on Shots! 
and live on Freeview channel 276
Visit Shots! now

Life and death are interwoven so we can’t have one without the other.

When someone dies, even if the death is expected, there is an avalanche of emotions to deal with and many decisions to be made. Adding to the trauma, everyday life has to continue.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

Death often becomes the ‘elephant in the room’ because people are not willing to talk about the subject. On the other hand people sometimes have a desperately need to talk about their wishes but can’t find the right words, opportunity or someone willing to listen.

Food for Thought SUS-210215-163923001Food for Thought SUS-210215-163923001
Food for Thought SUS-210215-163923001

Many people avoid talking about death leaving others to make decisions for them when the time comes. Taking responsibility for our own departure as we have in life seems to be a responsible exit plan.

Opening a conversation with someone about their funeral wishes can be difficult and easy to put off until another day.

Here are a few tips – ways to gently little by little trickle the subject into everyday conversations: Own it. ‘I just heard a beautiful piece of music that is what I’d like played at my funeral.’ Then maybe at a later date say, ‘You know the other day I said I wanted a particular piece of music played at my funeral? Well I heard this this today and I like it better.’ Have you ever thought about what you would like? Likewise you could mention a reading or a piece of poetry.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

There are many ways to introduce the subject and open conversations. Mention something you read in a magazine or a story you heard. Even in simple ways; ‘oh dear the flowers have died or that lettuce is on its way out.’ Using such words and phrases casually here and there will help make them less shocking.

Bringing humour into the conversation may be easier for some people to handle. Use phrases like ‘when I pop my clogs you can have it.’ I’ll leave it to you in my will, that is, if I’m not pushing up the daisies before you.’ There are dozens of ways of saying someone has died. To date I have listed 140 ways; you could make this a challenge at you next family gathering!

In conclusion ‘when I kick the bucket’, I go trusting that these tips will have helped you and yours move the elephant in the room out to pastures new.”

Jean Francis is the founder and inspiration director of Last Wishes, an organisation which seeks to encourage people to think about their legacy and have open conversations with their loved ones about their end-of-life wishes.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

If you have a question you would like her to help with through this column email it to [email protected]. We appreciate this could cover some sensitive subjects so your name will be kept confidential.

Related topics: