WHISPERING SMITH: I won’t go down to the sea again. . .

EVER had one of those really bad “it seemed like a good idea at the time” moments?

I had one recently. Thought a trip out in the Channel with local fisherman Danny Clark, to see just where all of these big fish catches are coming from would make for a good column.

Bad idea, a very bad idea! I packed cameras, sandwiches and a flask of hot coffee and Danny picked me up before sunrise, a weird enough time for me, any way you look at it.

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He told me the sea was like a millpond, but I put my borrowed lifejacket on, anyway. We climbed aboard The Enterprise 321 and on a rising tide puttered down the Arun – the jewel in the crown of LA – and out to sea.

Just clear of the bar at the river’s entrance, it became all too clear what a really bad idea it was! The sea was calm enough, I guess, but not the boat. It rocked, nauseatingly, and for three hours I stood rooted to the spot, nowhere to go, my tummy in knots and glad I had left a last “just in case” note to my kids.

Meanwhile, Danny leapt about his nets and pots singing, shouting at the crabs, the rocks and the weeds and generally doing what I suppose lone fishermen do. Single-handed fishing is a dangerous job, deserving much more recognition, respect and support from those responsible for running our harbour.

The misty morning sight of a returning fishing smack with a small cloud of gulls above it is what LA’s “jewel” is all about, not the fleet of seemingly rarely-used plastic boats that litter the moorings.

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We returned home, across the bar and into still waters, my camera untouched, sandwiches uneaten and flask still full, wondering what happened to the sea legs that had once carried me around the world.

BAD PARKING AND BARKING MAD. So, as it always does, April 1 came around again and with it the summer parking restrictions.

Now that first-day always comes as a bit of a surprise, and Arun District Council could have sent out its wardens with little reminder notices for the first day offenders – many of whom parked their vehicles late on the night of March 31, not figuring on the parking enforcers being out at dawn.

Arun didn’t need to be so aggressive on that first morning. For those of us living near the seafront, parking spaces are at a premium throughout the summer and that is problem enough without an over-zealous council sticking to the letter of its own law.

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Am I irritable about this? You bet your sweet life I am. It is my opinion that Arun wastes bucket-loads of our money on self-promotional fripperies and we have to foot the bill in order to boost its income through parking fees, in this particular case, unreasonably levied. Time again to remind councillors and officers they are there to serve us, not us to serve them!

A SUNNY DOG DAY AFTERNOON. One sunny day last week I popped into Bognor to see how they are coping with dogs. Pounded a good few streets and didn’t see a single dog poop! One of four things must be happening there – a lack of dogs, a dedicated street cleansing service, responsible dog owners or mass canine constipation!

Uhm, my dear Watson, this looks to be a three-pipe puzzle!