Faith Matters: Life is a precious gift

Dementia affects most families.

The diagnosis of some form of dementia is not one of those shocks that is like a body-blow. It is more often confirmation of something slow and non-negotiable.

Good health care means we live longer. But in old age we are often more alone than is good for us. We might then become lost, to ourselves and to others, as dementia dismantles us.

Over the last five years I have watched the slow dismantling of an ambitious, intelligent and gifted woman, as dementia overtook her.

I didn’t know her very well before that. The point came when her lovely home had to be packed up and sold. Although the house was in complete disarray, it still held the evidence of her sophisticated life.

She was a writer and an accomplished pianist. She was skilled in knitting (amazing designs of jumpers in exotic wools and colours) and in intricate embroidery, evident in cushions all around the house.

She had travelled alone to unusual places: India, Afghanistan and Eastern Europe in the Cold War era of the 1970s, working for the British Council. Her souvenirs were interesting works of art, rather than tourist products.

She loved clothes and dressed well.

Today, she finds speech difficult and has no movement in her left arm. Her clothes are easy-clean, warm but functional. Her hair is thin, her face is gaunt. But she still laughs at ridiculous things, drawing on a Lancashire sense of humour epitomised by Morcambe and Wise.

Sometimes in the street I see a woman who looks like her, but isn’t. She’s smartly dressed, out shopping, and I feel a pang of regret.

But the woman with dementia has been a Christian all her life. She can still pray in the words of the Lord’s Prayer. And the dignity of human existence is there, in moments that surface in her ‘Amen’ and her laughter.

Her life is still a precious gift from God.

Find your local church: ‘A Church Near You’ (www.achurchnearyou.com) enables you to easily discover a church in your vicinity.

Lunchtime concerts at Chichester Cathedral: Chichester Cathedral's popular lunchtime concerts take place on Tuesdays at 1.10pm during term time, in the spectacular setting of the Cathedral Nave. They are free and last approximately 50 minutes.