Thom Kofoed: The ever changing face of Hastings

I've forgotten what I was saying, oh yeah, so we were walking along the seafront and me mam said "I used to work there when it was A.J Groome, Greengrocers". It's now a printers or something but it got me thinking how much Hastings is constantly changing.

My mum has lived here since she was 11 but I'm sure that if we could somehow bring Mummy Kofoed nee Mott aged 11 to 2010 via a Back to the Future style DeLorean Time Machine, (although that would seriously mess with the Space-time Continuum and would in fact alter 2010 even further therefore making said experiment null and void-for the purpose of my highly fictitious plan however it is imperative that we do not analyse my theory too thoroughly), and asked her to show us around I think she would have a few problems, especially if our main aim was to buy four kiwi-fruit and a marrow.

My dad moved to Hastings from Liverpool in 1963 with nothing but a bindle (one of those sticks with a bag on the end that hobos carry in old American films) stuffed with Beatles Memorabilia flung over his shoulder, and moved into a house in Havelock Road which is now an Estate Agents and half the pubs he used to frequent have been converted into houses, pharmacies or squatter homes.

My cousin Terry is coming for a visit from London tomorrow which is today if you're reading this Thursday or yesterday if this is Friday in which case why are you not reading this the day of publication? I thought you liked me. Anyway, Terry is coming down with Mrs Terry (Rita) and two little children in tow.

Terry lived with us for a few summers when he was a teenager in the early 1990s and worked in an ice cream shop on the pier. Since he lived with us though the shopping centre has been built, the ice skating rink has closed, Jerwood's going up, Sainsbury's moved from where ESK is now, ESK has moved from where the new college is, the new college was built, the train station changed, Woolworths has gone, the pier closed, the sad fountain outside Iceland went from sad to sadder.

I mean they are some pretty full on changes guys and I'm sure Terry would agree that the town is unrecognisable from the one from those summers.

My friend Katy (of the I*D*S*T writing collective - go to my website and click on the link for more information) has recently been travelling around Indonesia with no shoes on.

We had dinner last week and talked about what's changed since she's been away.

"The cricket man statue used to look hungry and tired. Now he has an expression of wonder and hope." She said over cauliflower cheese and drinking chocolate flavoured Victoria sponge.

She's right-there is optimism in the air; Hastings is constantly moving forward, like an iceberg or something else that moves slow but doesn't stop moving. Like the bus in Speed maybe?! but just slow and without the threat of an explosion? Speed 2 was on a cruise ship which was slower but it didn't do well at the box office and this was supposed to be an encouraging comparison. OK, that example needs some work. I've forgotten my point anyway.

Once I leave Hastings, make my name as a writer, performer, celebrity perfumer and occasional game show panellist, I'll come back with a film crew to make my ITV2 documentary 'Thom Kofoed - Where did it all go right?', go to point at my school and be hugely embarrassed to find that it has moved to where ESK used to be and that I have no idea where I am.

Such is Hastings I suppose.

For more from Thom Kofoed visit www.thomatronics.com.