Popular comedian Ronnie Corbett dies

A statement from his publicist said: “Ronnie Corbett CBE, one of the nation’s best-loved entertainers, passed away this morning, surrounded by his loving family.”

Ronnie played in a number of local golf events, particularly in the 80s and 90s, including pro-celebrity matches at Mannings Heath Golf Club.

He also took part in a special match to celebrate the opening of Tilgate Forest Golf Club in 1982, with former England cricketer Colin Cowdrey, plus professionals Neil Coles and Brian Huggett who designed the course.

Here are are some his best one-liners:

“French wine growers fear that this year’s vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the grape treaders’ sit-in.”

“A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.”

“We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.”

“All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand.”

“This is a message for seven honeymoon couples in a hotel in Peebles: Breakfast was served three days ago.”

“A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. ‘When did you last have a smoke?’ she asks. ‘Five years ago.’ So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, “It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy.”

“There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done.”

“We’ll be talking to a car designer who’s crossed a Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame.”

“A juggernaut of onions has shed its load all over the M1. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on.”

“We’ve just heard that in the English Channel, a ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint. It is believed that both crews have been marooned.”