ORGANISATIONS: Why do the various departments in big companies seem unable to talk to one another? I keep getting conflicting letters from different departments of NPower, each stating inaccurate facts. I tell them about it, but I might as well be talking to someone on the moon for all the effect it has. The state of play for all these behemoths is either do not reply at all or the reply bears no resemblance to the question.

FAIR MEANS OR FOWL: Last year, a female Mallard duck decided my front garden was the perfect place to build a nest and lay its eggs. We were unable to weed the garden and when they hatched, we had the task of guiding them unharmed to our field pond. She has now appeared again with her other half to survey the garden, obviously with the idea of a repeat performance. I am hoping to build a promising nest site nearer to the pond so that the dangerous route of last year can be avoided. We live in hope.

SMILE FOR THE DAY: Two Irishmen talking. Calum: Did you hear about the nun found sleepwalking on the M1 in England? Patrick: Was she a Protestant? Calum: No, they said she was a roaming Catholic.

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