The dilemma facing modern men: stuck in work mode or dad mode, and losing themselves in the process

Being a dad comes with many joys, but everyone needs time to unwind. Life as a working dad is challenging enough, but when your job keeps you tied to a desk for hours on end, it brings its own unique set of struggles. Between long workdays, family responsibilities, and the demands of everyday life, prioritising health and well-being often takes a back seat.

If you’re a desk-based dad, whether you work in an office or remotely, you’ve probably felt the effects: low energy, creeping weight gain, stiffness, declining health, and the mental strain of juggling everything at once. But the good news? Small, intentional changes can make a huge difference.

This was the struggle one of my clients, Sam, recently shared with me. As a dad working from home, he felt constantly pulled in two directions, answering emails while making the kids’ lunch, jumping from Zoom calls to bedtime stories, with no real separation between roles. The longer this went on, the more he felt stuck, frustrated, and burnt out. And I know he’s not alone.

Like Sam, many dads recognise the strain their lack of work-life balance has on their health. They often find themselves stuck in a cycle of yo-yo dieting in an attempt to fix things, going from 0 to 100, then quickly back to 0 when their chosen approach doesn’t fit their demanding lifestyle.

Many fitness professionals simply don’t believe that someone doesn’t have time to exercise. They claim that some people ‘don’t want it enough,’ but for a lot of parents, even grabbing 30 minutes to themselves is a luxury. That was the case for Sam.

To break out of this cycle, we had to move him away from the all-or-nothing mindset. Instead of shifting from reverse straight into fifth gear and back again, he needed a way to shift up and down the gears in a way that suited his life.

On the rare occasions when time was free and life was less stressful, he’d shift into a high gear, getting to the gym a few times a week, tracking his calories, and walking more. But when life came at him fast, a low gear was more realistic. So, he set a timer to get up and move every 60 minutes, stretched for two minutes, and ensured each meal included protein and a portion of fruit or vegetables. He couldn’t track calories or hit the gym, but he could still prioritise sleep, hydration, and movement in a realistic way.

This shift in approach helped Sam change his mindset. He learned to accept imperfection, to be okay with slower progress, and to realise that getting somewhere slowly is far better than always ending up back at square one.

It’s important to note that your life is different from Sam’s, and so is your starting point. The targets you set should be tailored to you. What you choose to focus on in a high or low gear will depend on your individual circumstances. Starting slow and building up over time is key.

Even simple changes, going for a walk on your lunch break, consciously drinking more water, or hitting your five-a-day, can add years to your life if you’re not doing them already. Small, consistent actions will set the wheels in motion for your health and fitness transformation.

If you’re a dad struggling to break free from the constant demands of work and parenting, finding a third space can be a game-changer. For me, attending matches at Worthing FC has been a perfect break in my routine. But if you’d like to kill two birds with one stone, not only breaking away from work or dad mode but also getting moving in a structured, supportive environment, I’d love for you to join me at our monthly Men’s Walk & Talk event on the South Downs. It’s completely free!

We meet one Sunday a month, at 10AM (information is available on my Instagram page @tom_charles_smith). It’s an opportunity for local men and dads to step away from their desks, get outside, and connect with others facing the same struggles. We create a welcoming, safe space for men to walk, talk, have a laugh, and open up without fear of judgment.

This isn’t about becoming a fitness fanatic or overhauling your entire life overnight. It’s about making small but meaningful changes.

It’s about setting boundaries so you don’t become the man who worked himself into the ground, never said no, and never prioritised his own needs, only to realise too late that everyone else would have been better off if he had.

Start prioritising your own health and well-being today. Your energy, your happiness, and your family will thank you for it.