Sussex columnist: Coming full-circle to bond with my parents again

At what I like to think is my tender age of 41, questions about my family tree and where I came from are already starting to feel more important than they used to, so I can see why it’s so appealing to find out all about your ancestors.

When I was at school, almost unbelievably I thought history was boring and I dropped the subject at the first opportunity. Now, I couldn’t find it more interesting, and I’ll gladly take any guided/audio/walking/self-guided/tour-for-the-sake-of-a-tour offered to me at any historical establishment. I’d probably really enjoy researching my family tree but I don’t have time at the moment, so it’s really lucky that my dad has done the hard work for me!

At a little bit older than me, he also had a burning desire to answer life’s biggest question – Who Am I? – and, with a bit of time freed up thanks to retiring, away he went.

Until the other day, I’d heard anecdotal evidence about it, but I had never found the time to sit down and look at it properly.

So, with a little new-found freedom thanks to having both my children at school, my dad and I found an afternoon to sit down together and get lost in history. As it turned out, an afternoon is not enough!

You can go down rabbit hole, after rabbit hole, and before you know it, you’re looking at birth certificates for the wife of your great, great grand-uncle and wondering where the time went.

Not only were the stories of distant relatives like Hamilton Howie – the bigamist who got put in prison – interesting, it was also such a nice bonding experience with my dad. And that’s something else that changes as you get older. When you’re a child, you love time with your family. Then, you hit the awkward teenage years, and suddenly you’re too cool for your family (even the thought of my children going through this stage is heart-breaking and makes me want to have a little cry!).

If ever you need an example of how ridiculous you are as a young adult… When I was in my late teens, my parents decided to go on holiday to California. My two younger siblings were obviously going with them, but they offered to pay for me to go, too. Thinking I was too cool to go away with my parents, I said ‘no thanks’, and let them go on an amazing three-week holiday without me. What an absolute chump! Adult me can’t fathom such a decision – who turns down a FREE holiday-of-a-lifetime?!

As it has a way of doing, life comes full circle and when you relax a bit more into adulthood, most of us love doing stuff with our parents again. I know I do. I just need to convince them to take me to California now, then I’ll really be winning…

I hope my children bypass the silly teen stage (although it might be better for my bank balance if they decline free holidays), as I know I’ll always want to do fun stuff with them. In the meantime, for now I’m just enjoying having the absolute best of both worlds. I get to do days out with my children and my parents at the same time. Spending time with all of us together will always be a complete joy – and having an extra two pairs of hands to help with two cheeky children is never a bad thing, either!

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– Regular readers might be shocked that my weekend just gone was pretty quiet (the calm before the Christmas storm, I think) and the only thing in the calendar was one children’s party. So, to make sure I still ran myself ragged I made my weekdays as busy as possible.

On Friday, I had no less than four social engagements – a post-school-drop-off coffee with friends, a pre-school-pick-up coffee with another friend, an after-school playdate and evening drinks at a school mum’s house (if my husband asks, I was doing the ironing!). I was also really busy work-wise this week, and was lucky enough to get a tour of Piglets Pantry, a sneak peek of the lights being installed for Leonardslee Illuminated and an invite to the press night for Glow Wild at Wakehurst. Phew! So, if you need me, I’ll be having a little lie down.