Sussex columnist: Why I'll probably never be a perfect mum – but maybe that's ok

​Then I had two kids and realised it’s actually quite annoying when children don’t listen to you or do what you’ve asked them nicely to do.

So, gone was the plan for serenity and any opportunity to be smug, instead, ‘impatient, sometimes shouty and a little bit moany mum’ was born.

She’s not quite as poster-friendly (nobody will be using her in an advertising campaign to show best-practice parenting), but if nothing else I like to think she’s a little more real.

Take the issue of teeth-brushing. It’s a constant battle and perfectly typifies the way my style of being a mum plays out in real life.

Despite repeated twice-daily reminders that they need to do it (oh, and the fact it’s something my children do EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIVES so surely they can remember it needs to be done?!), we’ll be about to leave for school this will happen…

Me: “You did brush your teeth this morning, right?”

Child: “Oh, no. I forgot.”

Me: “But I reminded you 37 times.”

Child: “I couldn’t find my toothbrush.”

Me: “I put it next to you, with the toothpaste already on.”

Child: “I’ll just do it now...”

Me (while flapping round the house in a panic, trying to retrieve said toothbrush and scrub a minty foam onto my child’s gnashers): “Why do we have this discussion every day? Why don’t you listen to me? We’re going to be late for school now! You should be able to remember for yourself, as it’s something you do twice a day...”

Child gives a look that says ‘where is that white noise coming from?’.

Me: “Arrrggghhh!”

The zen-like mum of my pre-child dreams would simply have found the toothbrush, patted the child on the head and seamlessly scrubbed their teeth clean, probably while pre-prepping that evening’s dinner and staging a Zoom call.

But that’s not my destiny.

It’s not like I didn’t have a good role model. My mum is the epitome of calm. I never remember her going from 0 to 100 in the ‘lose-your-patience’ stakes that, if I’m brutally honest, I’m prone to do. I can’t remember if tooth brushing was quite such a battleground, but I’m sure if I hadn’t brushed my teeth, she wouldn’t have got in such a tizz as me. (My nan always used to say this. I always think of this phrase fondly. Do people still use it?!)

Sometimes, if I’ve been a bit rash in snapping at the children, I even joke that ‘Nana wouldn’t do that, would she?’, with both children usually agreeing!

But as time goes on, I’m starting to think maybe it’s okay.

Because, when I talk to all my mummy friends, my experiences of being a mum are pretty similar to theirs. They’re not perfect either, because being a mum is amazing but it’s also hard work

Clearly, the odd bit of frustration is just par for the mummyhood course as we all navigate busy lives, jobs and everything else.

Yes, I’d like to get a little bit less stressed about things, but am I scaring my children for life with my ongoing quest for good dental health? Probably not.

When it comes down to it, my children are happy and healthy, and that’s all that really matters.

And if my moaning ever gets too much for them, they’ve always got their nana to chat to.

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And so have I – I’ve been given strength, reassurance and guidance too many times to mention from my lovely mum, Denise. She really is the best mum you could ask for.

So, as we get ready to celebrate Mother’s Day on Sunday, I wanted to say happy Mother’s Day to all the mummies out there – whatever that role looks like in your family.

It’s not always an easy job guiding your children through the world, but for me, I know it’s definitely the best job I’ll ever have.​