Take a bow for the Horsham ‘Oscars’

The Japan-got-all-the-highways-working-11-days-after-Fukushima-Award for dragging out a contract: Winner: Horsham railway station booking hall, 15 months and over £1m for a waste of space. Runner-up: the roadworks at Crawley Road/Forest Road, five months to dig a hole.

The Evelyn Waugh Award for contempt for your readership: Gary Shipton’s WSCT article after the Police and Crime Commissioner ‘elections’: Gary, if 86 per cent of us don’t vote, it’s not because of the weather or that we don’t know where the polling stations are - we think it’s an idiotic idea. Now if there had been an Abolitionist candidate...

City of the Year - Southwater. With its population of 10,000, larger than 30 world capitals and equivalent to one of the larger towns of Norway, it is time for promotion for this absurd ‘village’.True, it has no cathedral but nor do some other British cities.

Most Delusional Sports Utterance: ‘We belong in the Ryman Premier League’ - relegated Horsham FC, July 2012. More realistic assessment: ‘We could be playing Horsham next year’ - Broadbridge Heath FC official, November 2012.

Most Misleading Advertisement: For future city of the year Wickhurst Green, seen at Horsham station. Featuring a panier on a bike, a bottle of cider and bucolic sunshine. You do realise you will be living next to a giant urban Tesco?

Love and kisses,

LAWRENCE LONG

Bowes Close, Horsham