Patrons of Bognor Regis have come to the help of the needy

Allow me to enlighten your readership, if I may: our charitable group has just donated sufficient funds to purchase 250 elasticated ‘snake belts’ for our poor brethren in the worst slums in Mumbai, India.

Now, before you stop reading with incredulity, let me inform you belts are crucial in India among the down-trodden.

Why so?

Because without them there can be far too many citizens’ backsides on show.

This is socially unacceptable, but the impoverished simply don’t have funds for belts.

They deserve dignity, and we, with the help of the kind Bognorians who chipped in generously and with magnificent munificence, give them it.

It is essential I thank my co-workers in our little yet vitally important project.

So I doff my cap to the following: Daidz Ahmi, Andeet Ayant, Arthur Hotmerm and Martin Shepherd.

Col Rayner,

North Bersted Street, Bognor Regis