The times they are a'changing in Hundred Acre Wood...

A new Winnie-the-Pooh story is about to be published.

It will be the first new Pooh story in 80 years. Duncan Barkes wonders how the lovable bear will cope with 21st century life'¦

Pooh sat on a tree stump and sighed heavily. Life in Hundred Acre Wood had become very frustrating.

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Once a place of relative solitude, now he had to share it with a camp of smelly climate-change protesters who were claiming to save the planet, yet shattering his peace as they partied to the sound of dub reggae, strewing empty cider cans and Rizla packets all over the ground as they did so.

If that wasn't bad enough, the local council had launched a public consultation whether the wood should be turned into a temporary travellers' site.

Even lashings of honey, his usual route to instant happiness, had been closed off. Since being told he was clinically obese, all the honey pots had been removed from his home by a rather zealous NHS dietician.

Pooh grimaced discontentedly.

He plucked a rice cake from its packet and spread a thin layer of tofu onto it. He wondered what his friends were up to.

He could call Eeyore. But poor clinically-depressed Eeyore was probably in yet another group therapy session.

Tigger was always up for a laugh. Well, he used to be, but since being diagnosed with ADHD his bouncy chum had lost his former enthusiasm for life.

He was eating something called Ritalin. Pooh had never heard of it, but he rather suspected it wasn't honey-based.

There was always Piglet. He was a true and great friend, but Pooh knew there was no way he could get to see him.

Piglet had been quarantined since the last outbreak of swine flu, and had already had a jolly lucky escape as he had been on holiday in Egypt when the virus hit the headlines.

His dear little pink chum had managed to board the last flight out of the country before a nationwide culling of porkers began.

Life for Pooh had become glum.

Even his beloved Christopher Robin had changed. Pooh remembered waving him farewell as he went off to university, boy and bear still the firmest of friends.

But since graduating and starting work in something Pooh didn't understand called 'web design' Christy (as Christopher Robin now called himself) had, Pooh was forced to admit, changed out of all recognition.

Christopher Robin had started wearing very tight white T-shirts.

He had also become a fan of a lady singer called Barbara Streisand.

Nothing with wrong with that, thought Pooh; the lady in question could certainly bellow a good tune, but it was clear his old pal was now only interested in bears of an altogether butcher variety.

Eighty years is a long time.

As Pooh struggled not to gag on his beetroot and lentil panini, he wondered if he was really cut out for life in 2009'¦

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