Use phones like people do exist

Mr Thomas (Observer, June 23) writes to say surely mobile phones should be banned in schools. I think he would find that they are, officially at least.

My happiness will not be complete until they are banned in cafés and on public transport where, as my namesake P. G. Wodehouse might have 
said, people will come and 
sit in your midst and 
proceed high, wide and plentifully.

Some hope of that! Only, when you erupt suddenly with “I’m on the 22 bus at Warrior Square”, I am the grumpy old Yorkshireman who says it’s the 26.

If you say you’re stuck in traffic, I might just call out loudly: “That’s a lie. This is a coffee shop.”

If you are an elegant, well-dressed lady, I am the one who says ‘That’s a bit loud, Sweetie Pops’.

More frequently, I will retire behind industrial earmuffs.

I know there are anger management courses for me. Are there courses for using mobiles as if other people existed?