The "unbelievable" things cleaners encounter in people’s homes

Tales from Under the Kitchen Sink reveals what goes on behind closed doors in the cleaning business.

It has been published by Troubador Publishing at £12.99 and is available from Waterstones, T G Jones, Foyles and Amazon.

The author is Brighton-based Tracie Kirk, aged 51.

She explains: “It lifts the lid on what goes on behind closed doors and reveals the unbelievable things cleaners encounter in people’s homes. I think people are naturally curious about what others are really like behind closed doors, and cleaners see a side of life that most people never do.

“I’ve dealt with demanding and rude clients, unreliable staff, a pandemic, burnout, and even a client’s Rottweiler. There’s also a chapter about the clients’ pets!

“I always said I should write a book because I had accumulated so many funny stories over the years. Things you really wouldn’t believe! Eventually, I felt I just had to get them out there.

“One day, I sat at my computer and started writing down the memories: the things we had broken or been accused of breaking because cleaners get accused of everything! The memories of the truly awful houses I had cleaned over the years came flooding back. I started categorising the stories, and they eventually became the chapters.

“I got up at five in the morning before everyone else in the house woke up, and I wrote for a couple of hours in complete silence.

“Sometimes, I would get home from work after a bad day and say ‘They’re going in my book!’ And they are! They're all in there, although I had to anonymise the names, of course.

“When you clean in people’s homes, you get to see a lot, even the things that probably should not be seen, that clients forgot to put away. As a cleaner, you not only see very dirty houses, but you also see extreme wealth, beautiful mansions, and all the strange, funny and uncomfortable moments in between.

“But the book isn’t just funny anecdotes. Part two is called Dust, Drama and Dark Days, and it has a more serious tone. It covers the burnout that can come from running a business, the pandemic and how it unfolded from a business perspective, and the PTSD diagnosis I received after being attacked by a client’s Rottweiler.

“I ended up in hospital for a couple of days and had to have surgery, so that part was especially difficult to write about.”

Tracie added: “There will definitely not be a sequel! More Tales from Under the Kitchen Sink, could you imagine? I don’t think there could possibly be any more outrageous clients who could top the ones I’ve already written about. The book took years to write, and some of the experiences are definitely not ones I would want to repeat.

“I think people will enjoy reading about the embarrassing and outrageous situations, but as funny as they are to read about now, many of them were not very nice to experience at the time.

“I am a first-time author. It’s so strange to call myself an author really, but there are no other books. I don’t have the imagination to write, say, a novel.

“As I said, I had always joked that I should write a book one day, but there was one incident around four years ago that finally tipped me from ‘I should write a book’ to ‘I have to write about this.’

“A client cancelled our service, claiming we were incompetent for sending a cover cleaner while his regular cleaner was on holiday. He insisted that he had specifically told us not to send anyone else. The problem was that I had the messages in front of me, and in those messages, he had clearly said he wanted a cover cleaner. He had even sent a thumbs-up emoji when we confirmed who would be cleaning for him!

“I remember reading the conversation and thinking ‘Nobody would believe this if I told them.’ It made me realise just how many bizarre, frustrating and often hilarious situations I had experienced over the years. That incident opened the floodgates. Suddenly I was remembering rude clients, funny misunderstandings, difficult situations, wonderful clients, staff dramas and all the other stories that had accumulated during more than a decade of running a cleaning business. That’s when I finally sat down and started writing properly.”