Jenny Bathurst: when tiredness is a good thing, a sign of achievement
Does uni/college set us up for adulthood?
‘You’ve got it easy’ ‘It won’t get any easier’
Whether you’re young, old, or somewhere in-between, I imagine most people can relate to the ‘end-of-term’ feeling. Perhaps for some it’s now the days leading up to annual leave or the shifts that drag endlessly before a trip away, but as somebody who has been in the world of education for sixteen years I have experienced that ‘nearly there’ feeling countless times. I remember at primary school the period would be accoladed with board games and ice cream on the grass, whereas the week leading up to the holidays at university tends to be a combination of overworked and fed-up lecturers and empty classrooms where students can’t find the motivation to push through the final few days.
One thing that my four-year-old self and I have in common is that in these final days before the holidays begin, we find ourselves exhausted. Perhaps it’s psychological and our knowing that the ‘end is nigh’ takes a toll on any shred of motivation we may have left, but months of early starts and gruelling deadlines can become quickly draining. Not that I would consider my four year old potato paintings a gruelling deadline. But as I was considering this just a few days ago I had a feeling similar to when you realise you forgot to set an alarm or that the price of the Tesco meal deal has increased. (It has, and I’m not happy about it.) And that feeling was every memory flooding back to me of older relatives or friends telling me ‘It doesn’t get easier’ and that ‘adulthood is basically being tired all the time.’
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Hide AdI have often found that being ‘tired’ has always been an irrational fear of mine. Unlike the average uni student, I value a good night’s sleep over most things so when I toss and turn for hours on end my personality becomes likened to that of an erupting volcano. Sleepless nights lying awake terrified of how I’ll get through the following day on little rest have been a regular routine of my life, only to feel a little tired the next day and get by absolutely fine.
I suppose the point I am trying to make is that life is exhausting, but 1) you probably know that anyway and 2) that’s quite a negative and dead-end premise of an article so it probably shouldn’t have found its way onto this page. But what I hope to communicate is that I am thankful that I am given the opportunity to be tired. To feel drained after a productive day. To get into bed with my bones aching but knowing that I made the effort to go to university even though when I woke up the day felt overwhelming.
Isolating with Covid back in February and being endlessly cooped up in my home when I first sustained my brain injury both left me exhausted with no real reason to be apart from the sickness in my body. I feel grateful to be tired now. Not because it’s a nice feeling or because I enjoy it, but because the ups and downs of my life are varied and challenging. So as my spring term draws to a close, yes I am drained but thanking God that it’s not due to illness but due to pushing myself and what I thought I was capable of.
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