'The messages followed a pattern' - Sussex stalking victim reveals signs to look out for

Sarah – who has had her name changed to protect her identity – has shared her story on National Stalking Awareness Week. Sussex Police is encouraging people to spot the signs of stalking, report it to the police and ‘help us keep you safe’.

Sarah was in a relationship with her partner for around 11 and a half years.

The Sussex resident described the relationship as ‘perfectly happy and loving’ – but she decided to leave after her partner made some troubling confessions.

“I found out he was abusing substances and I said I would stay and help him,” she explained.

“Then over the next few weeks, he decided to unload everything else and I didn’t want to continue the relationship after I found those out.”

The 50-year-old moved to a secret location, offered up by her friend – which is when the the messages started.

Sarah explained: “They were lovely, nice, loving messages and when I didn’t respond, he would follow it up with a horrible message, just vile.

“I would occasionally respond, he struggled to understand why I had left.

“To try and help him I would say let's meet for coffee.”

Sarah stopped responding but ‘long, ranting’ messages continued.

After being threatened with police action, her ex-partner promised to leave her alone – but the stalking campaign soon resumed.

Sarah said: “He wanted to control the situation. He couldn’t cope with what he’d done.

“I don’t think his brain can process that even now.

“At first, it was just frustrating because he couldn’t get his head round it or that’s how he was portraying it.

“I would give and give and try and help as best I can.

“It keeps me from moving on, it keeps taking you back there.

“You rebuild, you make your life good again, and then out of nowhere you’re back in that place again.”

Sarah was convinced by someone close to her to report her ex-partner to the police.

Before she could give a full statement, her ex-partner turned up at her house unannounced.

"I was on my own and I was just shocked to see him there,” Sarah said.

"I phoned the police and I was scared because of the unpredictability.

“They came out and he had gone by then. That started the train that I’m on now.

“Ultimately, I wanted him to get better, I wanted him to get over us.

“I thought this was someone that I loved, but that person had gone because of the substances.

"I love my life now but there’s this one constant reminder.”

The ex-partner – who Sarah said is ‘not rational anymore’ – was given a restraining order but this was breached and subsequently extended for another year.

Sarah, who is being kept updated on the case by Sussex Police, has been supported by Veritas Justice during the investigation. She was allocated a support worker.

She is now urging anyone else in a similar situation to report it to the police.

Sarah said: “You’ve got to start that road and have that help in place should you need it.”

Despite continuing to face challenges, Sarah is looking to the future.

“I feel really good, I’m happy again”, she said.

“I’m looking forward to the future.

“My life has gone in a way I didn’t expect it to but I’m in a very fortunate position.

“I’m the lucky one really, he’s lost everything and that’s on him.”

The theme of this year’s awareness week by Sussex Police (April 22 to 25) is ‘Health Response: Spotting Stalking’, which urges healthcare workers to recognise victims of stalking. But that advice is just as relevant to all members of the public.

“On average, victims of stalking endure 100 incidents before they recognise an individual’s behaviour as criminal,” a police spokesperson said.

"That has to change.

“Any fixated and unwanted behaviour could be classed as stalking. If someone’s behaviour is making you uncomfortable, scared or threatened, report it to the police.”

Detective Sergeant Kerri Bartup has worked with Sussex Police since 2006, joining the complex domestic abuse and stalking unit in 2021.

DS Barter deals with stalking and protection orders (SPOs), sometimes attending court hearings and securing full or interim orders for offenders.

DS Barter has urged anyone who is a victim of stalking to report it to the police

She said: “If you feel like you’re being subjected to behaviours that could be stalking but you’re not sure then please call us.

“Unless we know about it, we’re unable to help, be that seek a criminal justice outcome or put other safeguarding in place and make sure we’re referring you to support services.

“Although they have some similarities, every stalking investigation will be different and those behaviours won't always be instantly apparent.

“Things like excessive phone calls, wanting to know where you are all the time, sending lots of gifts that could be perceived as not stalking behaviours can be.

“It’s very much on how the relationship is and the individual involved as to when the stalking behaviours start.

“If you think you're being subjected to behaviours of that nature, please just come and seek support either through us or Veritas Justice.

“Their independent stalking advisors will be allocated to victims. So we make the referral to Veritas whenever there's a stalking investigation, Veritas will then assess it and will offer support to those victims.

“We will always refer to those services and continue to refer to them.”

DS Barter also emphasised that there are safeguarding options for victims who fear retribution due to reporting.

“We will talk to them about safeguarding, physical as well as online and cyber safeguarding”, DS Barter said.

“We have our digital support team that can help with that. There are lots of options to make them safe.

“Please come and talk to us. We can’t help if we don’t know.

“If we know we can look at those protective measures and safeguarding measures and prosecuting.

“We know the impact stalking has is huge in lots of different ways and we want to help.”

Claudia Ortiz, director of Veritas Justice, said stalking is not only a criminal offence – it is a ‘serious public health issue’ with ‘far-reaching impacts’ on victims' mental and physical health.

She added: “Through our work with 742 individuals between April 2024 and March 2025, we know that 39 per cent needed mental health support, 12 per cent required physical health care, and 5.4 per cent were suicidal due to the trauma they experienced. These figures are a stark reminder that the impact of stalking goes well beyond the justice system.

“Healthcare professionals are often the first point of contact for victims, placing them in a crucial position to identify stalking early and intervene effectively.

“We are calling on NHS Integrated Care Boards to take meaningful responsibility by developing clear policies, delivering targeted training, and embedding stalking awareness into frontline healthcare practice. Whether it is recognising the signs in patients or providing safe pathways to refer them to specialist services or police, health professionals must be supported to act.

“This National Stalking Awareness Week, we urge all agencies to spot stalking as a serious health concern and commit to collaborative, informed approaches that prioritise victim safety and long-term recovery.”

Sussex Police & Crime Commissioner Katy Bourne said: “It has always been clear to me that, if you don’t understand something, you cannot tackle it effectively which is why, in 2019, I commissioned a report led by experts that outlined how to further improve Sussex’s response to stalking. The next year, Sussex Police successfully secured the very first Stalking Protection Orders in the country.

“Later that year, I was delighted to secure nearly £100,000 from the Government to establish a pioneering intervention programme to change stalking behaviour. The initiative was the first of its kind locally and nationally, with perpetrators of stalking participating in twelve, intensive one-to-one sessions where their cases were forensically dissected and future focus placed on maintaining non-offending behaviour.

“Today, the programme continues to deliver outstanding results. In the last year, of the 15 participants who completed the intensive programme, 90 per cent of the perpetrators have committed no further stalking-related offences.”