Sussex columnist reflects on her parenting fails – from losing her children's teeth to not ordering their club medals

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​I don’t think I’m a bad parent, but... might sound like a great title for a book or TV show about parenting.

It’s also a fairly apt way for me to start my summing up of many a day as a mum of two children. Because, I don’t think I’m a bad parent, but... I’m definitely prone to the odd parenting fail.

Take the other day, when my son lost his second tooth while we were out in the car.

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He was so excited and gave it to me for safe-keeping so he could leave it out for the tooth fairy that night.

The medal that almost never wasThe medal that almost never was
The medal that almost never was
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I carefully wrapped it in a tissue, studiously brought it into the house, and then, in the melee that is cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen and getting the children to bed, I promptly lost it.

Even a search through the bin (eeewww) did not reveal the tiny incisor, and I eventually had to admit defeat and tellmy heartbroken son we weren’t going to be able to put it under his pillow. An epic parenting fail.

Although I did redeem myself a little by writing to the tooth fairy and asking if she could overlook a tired mummy’s mistake and perhaps oblige my son with £1 for his good intention to provide her with a gnasher (thank goodness she obliged), I still felt absolutely terrible.

There’s also the matter of ironing, in that I don’t do it.

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Life is busy, and it’s best to prioritise the things that need to be done. My children need to be fed and watered. Their clothes need to be washed. But do they really need to be crease-free?

In an ideal world, sure, but in my busy reality sending them out into the world with a few wrinkles is a compromise I’m willing to/have to make to ensure the more important things can happen. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel like a failure when my children’s neatly pressed friends come striding into the playground alongside us.

We also had a ‘mummy should have done better’ issue at my son’s recent gymnastics class.

An email was sent out offering an opportunity to buy a medal and certificate to celebrate his achievements so far. I didn’t order them, because experience of buying endless swimming badges and certificates over the years suggested they would be cast aside the second we arrived home, never to be touched again.

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That theory might work for swimming, but it doesn’t take into account the fact the gymnastics club apparently makes a big fuss of handing out their certificates. Cue my son coming out of a recent session where they had been handed out to most other children close to tears and asking why he wasn’t good enough to get a medal. Oh, bum!

Luckily there was an opportunity to order a medal to be handed out at a later date, but it couldn’t erase the parenting guilt and the fact his sad little face is now etched into my memory after I initially failed to share in the recognition of his gymnastic ability.

There’s also the day-to-day ‘fails’ that seem to plague my thoughts the second I get into bed…

Realising I didn’t do as much cleaning and tidying as I’d hoped, not having been ‘present’ enough or played with the children enough, not getting all the things on my to-do list completed, etc., etc.

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If you’re not careful, it can be quite a negative cycle.

Writing this has been useful, as it’s reminded me to reframe my thoughts.

Instead of focusing on the things I didn’t do so well (even though the evidence suggests there are quite a few of those), I should work on ‘bigging-up’ the positives instead.

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Because even in the midst of the so-called failures are lots of parenting wins, too.

Even if it is just cooking my children their favourite dinner, taking them to the beach, playing with them in the garden or all the other moments in the day that go well.

From now on, I aim to celebrate the successes. I might just keep a tighter rein on those pesky little teeth...

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