Parenting in Sussex: Trying to be a cool mum – and probably failing
I thought I’d got my cool-mum lingo down pat.
My daughter might have given me the biggest of eye rolls when I told her I had made a ‘bussin’ meal. And apparently it’s not okay when I exclaim ‘what the sigma!’ like my children enjoying doing.
But even if they do cringe when I try to align myself with Generation Alpha, I think I’m the ‘GOAT’. (Apologies to all those not born in the 21st century for the use of the slang of the day.)
That being said, all my ‘good’ work in ‘slaying’ at being young and fun is probably undone in one carrier bag containing slippers.
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That’s right, I have officially become my parents, who I assume took the mantle from my grandparents, in that I now take my slippers to other people’s houses so my feet don’t get cold.
Worst of all for my street cred, I don’t even care. Because if my tootsies are toasty, I’m happy. A day at my brother’s house this weekend was made even happier by placing my feet into my fluffy slipper boots as soon as I walked through the front door. It’s genius, and I can’t believe it’s taken me so many decades to do it.
Perhaps the slipper realisation is what prompted the saying ‘with age comes wisdom’?!
There are other signs that might point to the fact I very much belong at the beginning of the Millennials’ generation (1981 birth year for the win!).
Reading my Kindle in bed every night, I’ve been blaming the fact the words are very blurry on my eyes being tired. I finally admitted defeat last night and bumped the font up a point size, and lo and behold, the words came into focus a little more… whoops.
I should have known this was necessary, given I now have to do that most grown up trick of holding books/instructions/food packaging well away from my face and looking down my nose with a squint to be able to read them. So many times recently, my children have shoved things right in front of my face to show me something, and I’ve had to ask them to move them 40cm further away so I stand a chance of deciphering what they say. My daughter has repeatedly reminded me ‘you’re so old’ when this happens, to which I like to throw in a couple of ‘skibidi toilets’ to let her know I’m still relevant. Lol.
I’ve probably said this one before (but I can’t remember because, apparently, I’m so old). It relates to the noises made when getting out of a chair or up off the floor. It used to be so easy, but heaving myself from seated to standing does now seem to be accompanied by a lot of huffing, puffing and grunting these days. It used to be so effortless, but it’s like my legs seize up within 90 seconds of being sedentary. I’m only 43! Please don’t say it’s already time for a riser recliner?!
There’s one more thing. This week it was my 15th wedding anniversary. Sometimes I barely even feel like a grown up, so this milestone feels a bit crazy. I’m still trying to get my head around what a big number it seems. And not just that, later this year my husband and I will mark having been together for 22 years. No matter how many times I try to call everyone ‘bruh’, the passage of time is always going to expose me as a fraudulent Alpha.
So with that being said, happy crystal anniversary to me and my husband. I might not be a ‘noob’ in this game we call life, but at least I have warm feet.