The healing power of running in times of crippling grief

Lisa, who is also the author of Your Pace or Mine? and Running Made Easy, wrote the book in the aftermath of the death of her husband of 30 years. Graham died of asbestos-related cancer in September 2021.

A veteran of more than 100 marathons and two 56-mile ultramarathons, Lisa found herself, following a move to Worthing which they had hoped to make together, barely able to run a mile.

And yet it was the return to running which ultimately helped Lisa begin to process her grief. As she says, she had three great passions: camping, travelling and running. Camping and travelling were just not the same without Graham, which is when running came to the rescue.

Graham had always been incredibly supportive of Lisa's own running and he had even reluctantly allowed himself to be signed up for marathons by her, but the point was that running emerged as something for Lisa where she didn’t find herself overwhelmed by his absence.

“And as I started to run again, I became grateful that I had something that was not tinged with loss. I was so lucky to be able to reclaim my identity as a runner and I'm really grateful that I was able to reclaim my identity as a marathon runner.”

And she did so to the extent that in April 2025 she was able to run the Brighton Marathon in Graham's honour, carrying some of Graham's ashes in her bum bag as she ran the 26.2 miles of the course: “It felt so meaningful. It was my first marathon in seven years.

“Running is about that freedom to go outside. Most of the time when I'm outside running I'm not running to podcasts. I meet other people or I just appreciate my surroundings. You see a baby in a pushchair or I spot a crow which is Graham's spirit animal. And just seeing crows just buoys me up. I have a little conversation with Graham when I'm running and I really escape from the anxiety of his loss. It has helped me find my purpose again. I had to find reasons to carry on living. Graham was so woven into everything that I did. He was a reluctant runner but he would be there for me and that was lovely. He was so much part of my life.

“The book starts with my 100th marathon which I did in April 2016 and it was a very joyous day. I thought it would take me five decades to do a hundred but I did 28 marathons in 2015 to speed things up! I managed to launch my book Your Pace Or Mine on the day of my 100th marathon which led me to start thinking about what would I do next.

“I did feel that marathons had taken me away from home quite a lot and I realised that I didn't want to spend so much time away from Graham but 18 months later my husband was diagnosed with terminal mesothelioma. He was in contact with asbestos at the MoD in Whitehall from his job as a research analyst. The diagnosis was in October 2017 and we were in total shock. We were incredibly happily married and he had been part of my entire adult life. I couldn't imagine life without him and yet our future was whipped away from us. And we were so, so worried at the thought of the pain that he would be in”

But the couple quickly realised that fear was not going to be the best approach: “I said about finding Graham the best surgeon in the world and we did, and we took a decision that we were going to live in hope not fear. That was the best decision that we could ever have made. If you carry on living in fear then no matter how long you have got left together, it is going to be hell. When you start living in hope, then everything changes.”

At the time of Graham's death the couple were contemplating moving to Sussex: “I said to him were there any dreams or ideas or aspirations that he had, things that he wanted to do. He said no and that he was completely content and that there was nothing he wanted to change but I said that there was something that I wanted to change and that was to write by the sea. He didn't want to buy a flat in Brighton which was my original idea, and I found Worthing instead. I came down and I just fell in love with the town. I had fallen in love once before and that was with Graham but when I came to Worthing I fell in love again. Before he died we were thinking about moving to Worthing and I brought Graham down and he said no way do we ever want to go back to Croydon if we can live in Worthing. We were going to buy a flat but then he became very ill and then he died.

“All the experts advise against making major changes such as jacking in your job or moving house soon after a bereavement because you’re not in your right mind, you’re really not, no matter how expected a death is.

“And yet, one week to the day after Graham died, I entered a top-floor flat overlooking the ocean in Worthing and knew I’d found my forever home. The passageway leading into it was unusually wide and, as I walked down it, I could sense Graham beside me, smiling approvingly as I spotted the glossy grey kitchen units that were identical to the ones he’d installed in our Croydon home.”

• Lisa is the author of the best-selling books Your Pace or Mine? and Running Made Easy. Lisa is also a Runner's World columnist, Women's Running's hypnotherapy expert, and her work has been published in The Guardian, The Independent, Psychologies, Red, Prima, Top Santé, Healthy, Cosmopolitan and Mumsnet. She is a veteran of over 100 marathons and two 56-mile ultramarathons. She was one of 40 people featured in The Sunday Times's Alternative Rich List aka The Enriched List, as someone whose life has been "rich in experience, rich in spirit, rich in life". She was nominated in the 2020 Women of the Year Awards, and in the 2018 Women's Running Awards in the Influencer of the Year category.